Free My Mind

I’m fine  It’s become such a part of my daily speech I’ve forgotten what it’s like to be it  To be fine  To not lie to the face of everyone I encounter  To not worry about the flood of tears hidden behind my eyes Doomed to erupt at any moment without control or consent I want to be fine  I want to not feel like every second of everyday I scramble through life in a fog  A dense, ever thickening fog Draining the air from my lungs Stumbling in the darkness never to find the light  Every step I take sets me back ten more There’s no use in turning around and cheating I’m so far from the start that it’s become useless to even try   I want to feel happy and excited about my life  Not dreading every day to come  I want to stop feeling like swimming up for air  Is doing nothing but dragging me down further I want to go back to when my life was good Before I lied everyday about how I was feel...

It’s back  The darkness is back  The need to sit in a dark room and cry has returned  The need to nothing but wallow in sorrows  I wanted nothing more than to spend the weekend with my friends  To enjoy their company  To celebrate my 21st birthday  But the curse has reared its ugly head again The curse that brought about many dark times on my birthday  It never fails  It comes in the form of weather normally  But this year it wants to curse me this way  It wants me to sit alone in a dark room  Crying for friendship and company  It wants me to see just how lonely I am  To force me to see that I have no control  And everything in my life is doomed to be destroyed in a flood of tears  I hate my birthday  I hate it with a passion now  I used to wonder why people hated their birthdays  But I get it now  It means nothing more than another year of pai...

My mask I’ve worn it so long I’ve forgotten what it looked like  I’ve forgotten what I look like  I've forgotten who the hell I am  Who I was  Who I want to be  Everyone in my life has seen my mask I’ve learned to wear it well  Few have seen beyond it  And only those few know my secrets  My deepest secrets But even they haven't seen it all  There’s a mask in every part of my life  At home In school With family  Everywhere I have a mask  I wear a mask  Most people don’t even realize it's there  They don't realize that the me they see  Is not the me inside  They don't know the dreams I feel I’m losing  They don't know the darkness that lives in my mind  They don't know the life I've lost They don't know anything  And I feel that no one does  No one knows how deep my secrets go  The dark places my mind can wander if I don't co...

What has my life become?  It’s a question I ask myself on the daily now  Am I doomed to live here forever, Stuck in a house that doesn’t feel like home?  Am I going to live a lonely life, No friends in town or love to hold?  Everything in my life has lost meaning now I don’t want to be here or there I don’t even want to be in this world most days  The depression has clawed its way back, Cementing itself in my life again.  I thought I got rid of it,  I thought the friends I had helped get rid of it  But now I see it more than ever  Alone in an old house  Alone in a life i don’t want to live anymore  I’m here but nowhere at the same time  My face is not my face But a mask everyone has become so accustomed to they’ve forgotten who I am inside It’s easy to fake a smile  But I’ve faked for so long I don’t know who I am anymore  Am I dead or am I living?  Am I even here righ...

I watched a film today  ‘What Happened to Monday’ It focused on how the human race will eventually over populate and be forced into two ultimatums Death  Or belated death  I don’t know why But it now has me thinking Thinking of how many times has our world been reset and we just don’t know it Thinking of how many civilizations of the human race have there been that have obliterated their own world and forced it to regrow anew Thinking of how many years there may truly be in the universe’s history No one knows the full history of the world because maybe there is more to it than we thought Science believes that our world started with the dinosaurs, But could this be true?  Could there be an entire story before ours, billions of years before we believe it to be? Could there have been a world like our own?  A present world full of new inventions everyday Of free minded people who follow their dreams  A world so perfect and pea...

At a certain point in my life I've learned to turn it off  What you may ask?  My humanity  Why?  So that the happenings of the world don't completely destroy me  Shooting after shooting  Bomb after bomb  Death after death  Is this what humanity has become?  One sting after another of destruction and despair  Without the humanity in me,  I can't be destroyed completely by these  I don't fear for my life at every given moment  I won't question what it's like to be human because at the end of the day I don't want to be After the smoke has cleared  And the tears have dried up We are still a bunch of animals slowly losing their minds, Trapped in a dying world  With nowhere to go but 6 feet down