Free My Mind

2019 We’ve reached the end of the year The end of a decade This year has had many ups and downs  Some with unimaginable outcomes  For starters, it was the first full year without my mom My first full year without a mother’s guidance  My first full year without a mother’s love My first full year completely on my own But in this I’ve filled the void by letting in new friends  And allowing older ones to move in deeper  The biggest low of this year though was seeing what it’s like when a person is truly two-faced I’ve seen that no matter how long you may have known a person They can always be someone completely different on the inside  But I’ve learned from my mistakes and have left them in the past  Where they belong  They will stay in this year  But with the loss of one,  I have gained three  Three amazing friends that I will hold in my heart for as long as they will allow me I’ve witnessed t...

I was so happy this morning  So much so I felt like nothing could dampen it.  The 2 am wake-up call to watch seven of my favorite people seemed like the beginning of a great day. And then I fell back asleep, I let myself give in to the tiredness of my brain And allowed some of the happiest moments of my day to follow me to sleep.  When I woke up, the world was back to normal.  A world I am tired of dealing with.  A world I am tired of living in.  A world where I stress more than I smile.  A world where I force myself to stay quiet rather than be heard.  A world where everyday feels like a battle to keep going.  There are fleeting moments, Like the ones this morning,  Where no matter the godforsaken hour of the morning, I am truly happy.  They are the only ones who can do that...  Who can make me truly happy. Most of my family aggravates me.  Most of my friends live too far away to en...

Euphoria Is this what Euphoria feels like?  Or is this just pure excitement building up inside me, waiting for the perfect moment to boil over?  What is Euphoria? The dictionary defines it as a feeling or state of intense excitement and happiness But it goes no further leaving the cause open to interpretation.  Some believe Euphoria can only be reached through actions, Through memories being made But I believe there is more to Euphoria than a single moment A single happy moment Euphoria can be something much bigger than this Much bigger than just ourselves and our memories Euphoria can be love  Total and all encompassing love  A love so strong it crosses borders Oceans  Languages Euphoria is what I feel when hearing your voice Listening to the words rolling off your tongue  Craving it as if they are my last dying breath Euphoria is what I feel when seeing your happy smile Letting it into the worl...

Originally wrote this on August 11th, 2019 As I drive There is a picturesque clear blue sky above me  With fluffy white clouds that look as though they are straight out Andy's room from Toy Story  It's an anniversary, but not a pleasant one.  We're supposed to celebrate weddings, birthdays, debuts.  But today is one year since death  Today is a day we celebrate death, we mourn again  The memories of last year coming back in full force.  I don't know how to feel today.  I feel like I can brave face my way through it, but inside I'm full of darkness.  My only light today will be music, I know this because it is always my light  Always the thing shining the brightest  Always there when no one else is  I listen to Winter Bear on repeat right now The beauty that Taehyung created  My grandma tells me that it was on the news, that now he's going solo I try to explain that they've done solo stu...