2019

2019

We’ve reached the end of the year

The end of a decade

This year has had many ups and downs 

Some with unimaginable outcomes 

For starters, it was the first full year without my mom

My first full year without a mother’s guidance 

My first full year without a mother’s love

My first full year completely on my own

But in this I’ve filled the void by letting in new friends 

And allowing older ones to move in deeper 

The biggest low of this year though was seeing what it’s like when a person is truly two-faced

I’ve seen that no matter how long you may have known a person

They can always be someone completely different on the inside 

But I’ve learned from my mistakes and have left them in the past 

Where they belong 

They will stay in this year 

But with the loss of one, 

I have gained three 

Three amazing friends that I will hold in my heart for as long as they will allow me

I’ve witnessed the beautiful night skies of Ohio with them

Driven down the terrifying roads in pitch black darkness with them

I’ve enjoyed the nature of their rural town

And ran around in pouring rain for them

I’ve enjoyed a very long car ride back to Jersey with them 

And showed them the best spots of the city I call home

Our lives have been intertwined this year 

And I will do my best to make sure our knot of friendship stays nice and tight

In the year to come

The best part of 2019 has come as somewhat of a surprise to me 

For the better part of this year, I found a surprising place to lay my heart 

In Korea of all countries

I’ve found a group of seven wonderfully beautiful

Funny

Chaotic

Idiotic men who have show me many things

They have shown me that I’m never alone in this world

That there’s always someone out there loving me in ways I can’t love myself 

They have shown me that accepting who I am is the most important part of my life 

That loving myself will lead to true happiness

They have set me on the long road to loving myself through their music 

Which I can barely understand

But I couldn’t be happier with my constant confusion 

I didn’t plan to fall so deeply in love with them,

After all I was just studying up for a concert I had no knowledge of. 

But I’m immensely glad that I did 

They have topped every list I have of love 

They have invaded my room and various devices with their voices and pictures 

They have conquered my heart and broke down my walls that have been built up so high for so long 

I began to believe that no one could make them crumble 

But in just a few short weeks, every one came crumbling down like they were made of feathers

I’ve felt excitement like never before because of them 

I’ve felt what unconditional love really feels like 

Because to them, the ARMY is everything

They love in a way I’ve never seen any other artist love their fans 

To some, this just a job- a means of income and way to live life in luxury 

But to them, this is all for us

Every song lyric, every album title, every tour date, every award won 

Is all for us 

They’ve given me a new meaning in life without my knowledge 

They’ve changed the way I view the world 

They’ve flipped my perception of the industry on its head 

And they’ve shown me that language isn’t a barrier when it comes to music 

It’s simply a means of transportation 

And I don’t just plan to take them with me into the new year, into the new decade

I plan to take them with me, 

To hold them in my heart with my closest friends, 

For the rest of my life-

However many more decades that may be.