Skip to main content

the curse of my birthday

It’s back 
The darkness is back 
The need to sit in a dark room and cry has returned 
The need to nothing but wallow in sorrows 
I wanted nothing more than to spend the weekend with my friends 
To enjoy their company 
To celebrate my 21st birthday 
But the curse has reared its ugly head again
The curse that brought about many dark times on my birthday 
It never fails 
It comes in the form of weather normally 
But this year it wants to curse me this way 
It wants me to sit alone in a dark room 
Crying for friendship and company 
It wants me to see just how lonely I am 
To force me to see that I have no control 
And everything in my life is doomed to be destroyed in a flood of tears 
I hate my birthday 
I hate it with a passion now 
I used to wonder why people hated their birthdays 
But I get it now 
It means nothing more than another year of pain 
Of stress and mental breakdowns 
Of tears and sorrow
Of loneliness
I don’t want to celebrate my birthdays anymore 
I don’t want to deal with this curse anymore 
I don’t want to feel so sad and lonely anymore 
I don’t want the darkness to swallow me up for the millionth time again 
Although I can see it already has 
And there’s no coming back from this drowning now



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

who am i anymore?

What has my life become?  It’s a question I ask myself on the daily now  Am I doomed to live here forever, Stuck in a house that doesn’t feel like home?  Am I going to live a lonely life, No friends in town or love to hold?  Everything in my life has lost meaning now I don’t want to be here or there I don’t even want to be in this world most days  The depression has clawed its way back, Cementing itself in my life again.  I thought I got rid of it,  I thought the friends I had helped get rid of it  But now I see it more than ever  Alone in an old house  Alone in a life i don’t want to live anymore  I’m here but nowhere at the same time  My face is not my face But a mask everyone has become so accustomed to they’ve forgotten who I am inside It’s easy to fake a smile  But I’ve faked for so long I don’t know who I am anymore  Am I dead or am I living?  Am I even here righ...
Post a Comment
Read more

collapse.

I wanna cry today  I'm not really sure why  But all I want to do right now is cry  Crawl up into a ball and cry until the world is ended  I don’t know if it’s exhaustion or just plain old depression popping up for it’s daily visit  But all I want to do is cry  I'm tired of people  And uncertainty  And plans that will be canceled before they could even begin  Nothing goes right  Something always falls off the wagon or is displaced and im left to pick up the pieces of a shattered mess  One week  I only wanted one week and now I won’t be getting it  I know I won’t be getting it  Leo doesn’t want to deal with Ravi  And they probably won’t have a house ready by the time we’re meant to go  So once again I’m left in the dust  The sand caked inside my lungs and burning within my body I don’t even know if I want to go anymore  I don’t even know if I want to do anything anymore  Everything I plan falls ...
Post a Comment
Read more