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the curse of my birthday

It’s back 
The darkness is back 
The need to sit in a dark room and cry has returned 
The need to nothing but wallow in sorrows 
I wanted nothing more than to spend the weekend with my friends 
To enjoy their company 
To celebrate my 21st birthday 
But the curse has reared its ugly head again
The curse that brought about many dark times on my birthday 
It never fails 
It comes in the form of weather normally 
But this year it wants to curse me this way 
It wants me to sit alone in a dark room 
Crying for friendship and company 
It wants me to see just how lonely I am 
To force me to see that I have no control 
And everything in my life is doomed to be destroyed in a flood of tears 
I hate my birthday 
I hate it with a passion now 
I used to wonder why people hated their birthdays 
But I get it now 
It means nothing more than another year of pain 
Of stress and mental breakdowns 
Of tears and sorrow
Of loneliness
I don’t want to celebrate my birthdays anymore 
I don’t want to deal with this curse anymore 
I don’t want to feel so sad and lonely anymore 
I don’t want the darkness to swallow me up for the millionth time again 
Although I can see it already has 
And there’s no coming back from this drowning now



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