Skip to main content

Happy.

I was so happy this morning 
So much so I felt like nothing could dampen it. 
The 2 am wake-up call to watch seven of my favorite people seemed like the beginning of a great day.
And then I fell back asleep,
I let myself give in to the tiredness of my brain
And allowed some of the happiest moments of my day to follow me to sleep. 
When I woke up, the world was back to normal. 
A world I am tired of dealing with. 
A world I am tired of living in. 
A world where I stress more than I smile. 
A world where I force myself to stay quiet rather than be heard. 
A world where everyday feels like a battle to keep going. 

There are fleeting moments,
Like the ones this morning, 
Where no matter the godforsaken hour of the morning,
I am truly happy. 
They are the only ones who can do that... 
Who can make me truly happy.
Most of my family aggravates me. 
Most of my friends live too far away to enjoy their company.
And the rest of the world is just... nothing.
But those seven boys from Korea
Who fought against the world with their voices and a dream, 
Who broke down all the walls of a whitewashed music industry,
Who have filled a whole far bigger than anything else ever could, 
They make me happy.
Happier than anyone ever can.

When I see them interviews,
I am happy. 
When they are mentioned on my Twitter feed,
I am happy.
When they perform their music with pride and love, 
I am happy. 
When I think of their concert I attended on May 19th,
I am happy. 
They make me happy.
They make me smile.
They make living this shitty life worthwhile. 
Just seeing them, 
Listening to them talk and sing,
Acting like wonderful, stupid, borderline crackhead idiots...
I.
Am.
Happy. 
And no one will ever change that.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

the curse of my birthday

It’s back  The darkness is back  The need to sit in a dark room and cry has returned  The need to nothing but wallow in sorrows  I wanted nothing more than to spend the weekend with my friends  To enjoy their company  To celebrate my 21st birthday  But the curse has reared its ugly head again The curse that brought about many dark times on my birthday  It never fails  It comes in the form of weather normally  But this year it wants to curse me this way  It wants me to sit alone in a dark room  Crying for friendship and company  It wants me to see just how lonely I am  To force me to see that I have no control  And everything in my life is doomed to be destroyed in a flood of tears  I hate my birthday  I hate it with a passion now  I used to wonder why people hated their birthdays  But I get it now  It means nothing more than another year of pai...

who am i anymore?

What has my life become?  It’s a question I ask myself on the daily now  Am I doomed to live here forever, Stuck in a house that doesn’t feel like home?  Am I going to live a lonely life, No friends in town or love to hold?  Everything in my life has lost meaning now I don’t want to be here or there I don’t even want to be in this world most days  The depression has clawed its way back, Cementing itself in my life again.  I thought I got rid of it,  I thought the friends I had helped get rid of it  But now I see it more than ever  Alone in an old house  Alone in a life i don’t want to live anymore  I’m here but nowhere at the same time  My face is not my face But a mask everyone has become so accustomed to they’ve forgotten who I am inside It’s easy to fake a smile  But I’ve faked for so long I don’t know who I am anymore  Am I dead or am I living?  Am I even here righ...

collapse.

I wanna cry today  I'm not really sure why  But all I want to do right now is cry  Crawl up into a ball and cry until the world is ended  I don’t know if it’s exhaustion or just plain old depression popping up for it’s daily visit  But all I want to do is cry  I'm tired of people  And uncertainty  And plans that will be canceled before they could even begin  Nothing goes right  Something always falls off the wagon or is displaced and im left to pick up the pieces of a shattered mess  One week  I only wanted one week and now I won’t be getting it  I know I won’t be getting it  Leo doesn’t want to deal with Ravi  And they probably won’t have a house ready by the time we’re meant to go  So once again I’m left in the dust  The sand caked inside my lungs and burning within my body I don’t even know if I want to go anymore  I don’t even know if I want to do anything anymore  Everything I plan falls ...