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I'm Fine

I’m fine 
It’s become such a part of my daily speech I’ve forgotten what it’s like to be it 
To be fine 
To not lie to the face of everyone I encounter 
To not worry about the flood of tears hidden behind my eyes
Doomed to erupt at any moment without control or consent

I want to be fine 
I want to not feel like every second of everyday I scramble through life in a fog 
A dense, ever thickening fog
Draining the air from my lungs
Stumbling in the darkness never to find the light 
Every step I take sets me back ten more
There’s no use in turning around and cheating
I’m so far from the start that it’s become useless to even try  
I want to feel happy and excited about my life 
Not dreading every day to come 
I want to stop feeling like swimming up for air 
Is doing nothing but dragging me down further
I want to go back to when my life was good
Before I lied everyday about how I was feeling 
Before I put on a fake smile for every person I encountered
I want to go back to the days where saying I’m fine 
Meant I’m fine 

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