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My Mask

My mask I’ve worn it so long I’ve forgotten what it looked like  I’ve forgotten what I look like  I've forgotten who the hell I am  Who I was  Who I want to be  Everyone in my life has seen my mask I’ve learned to wear it well  Few have seen beyond it  And only those few know my secrets  My deepest secrets But even they haven't seen it all  There’s a mask in every part of my life  At home In school With family  Everywhere I have a mask  I wear a mask  Most people don’t even realize it's there  They don't realize that the me they see  Is not the me inside  They don't know the dreams I feel I’m losing  They don't know the darkness that lives in my mind  They don't know the life I've lost They don't know anything  And I feel that no one does  No one knows how deep my secrets go  The dark places my mind can wander if I don't control it  They don't know anything  And I’m beginning

2019

2019 We’ve reached the end of the year The end of a decade This year has had many ups and downs  Some with unimaginable outcomes  For starters, it was the first full year without my mom My first full year without a mother’s guidance  My first full year without a mother’s love My first full year completely on my own But in this I’ve filled the void by letting in new friends  And allowing older ones to move in deeper  The biggest low of this year though was seeing what it’s like when a person is truly two-faced I’ve seen that no matter how long you may have known a person They can always be someone completely different on the inside  But I’ve learned from my mistakes and have left them in the past  Where they belong  They will stay in this year  But with the loss of one,  I have gained three  Three amazing friends that I will hold in my heart for as long as they will allow me I’ve witnessed the beautiful night skies of Ohio with them Driven do

Happy.

I was so happy this morning  So much so I felt like nothing could dampen it.  The 2 am wake-up call to watch seven of my favorite people seemed like the beginning of a great day. And then I fell back asleep, I let myself give in to the tiredness of my brain And allowed some of the happiest moments of my day to follow me to sleep.  When I woke up, the world was back to normal.  A world I am tired of dealing with.  A world I am tired of living in.  A world where I stress more than I smile.  A world where I force myself to stay quiet rather than be heard.  A world where everyday feels like a battle to keep going.  There are fleeting moments, Like the ones this morning,  Where no matter the godforsaken hour of the morning, I am truly happy.  They are the only ones who can do that...  Who can make me truly happy. Most of my family aggravates me.  Most of my friends live too far away to enjoy their company. And the rest of the world is just... nothin