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the curse of my birthday

It’s back  The darkness is back  The need to sit in a dark room and cry has returned  The need to nothing but wallow in sorrows  I wanted nothing more than to spend the weekend with my friends  To enjoy their company  To celebrate my 21st birthday  But the curse has reared its ugly head again The curse that brought about many dark times on my birthday  It never fails  It comes in the form of weather normally  But this year it wants to curse me this way  It wants me to sit alone in a dark room  Crying for friendship and company  It wants me to see just how lonely I am  To force me to see that I have no control  And everything in my life is doomed to be destroyed in a flood of tears  I hate my birthday  I hate it with a passion now  I used to wonder why people hated their birthdays  But I get it now  It means nothing more than another year of pai...
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who am i anymore?

What has my life become?  It’s a question I ask myself on the daily now  Am I doomed to live here forever, Stuck in a house that doesn’t feel like home?  Am I going to live a lonely life, No friends in town or love to hold?  Everything in my life has lost meaning now I don’t want to be here or there I don’t even want to be in this world most days  The depression has clawed its way back, Cementing itself in my life again.  I thought I got rid of it,  I thought the friends I had helped get rid of it  But now I see it more than ever  Alone in an old house  Alone in a life i don’t want to live anymore  I’m here but nowhere at the same time  My face is not my face But a mask everyone has become so accustomed to they’ve forgotten who I am inside It’s easy to fake a smile  But I’ve faked for so long I don’t know who I am anymore  Am I dead or am I living?  Am I even here righ...
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collapse.

I wanna cry today  I'm not really sure why  But all I want to do right now is cry  Crawl up into a ball and cry until the world is ended  I don’t know if it’s exhaustion or just plain old depression popping up for it’s daily visit  But all I want to do is cry  I'm tired of people  And uncertainty  And plans that will be canceled before they could even begin  Nothing goes right  Something always falls off the wagon or is displaced and im left to pick up the pieces of a shattered mess  One week  I only wanted one week and now I won’t be getting it  I know I won’t be getting it  Leo doesn’t want to deal with Ravi  And they probably won’t have a house ready by the time we’re meant to go  So once again I’m left in the dust  The sand caked inside my lungs and burning within my body I don’t even know if I want to go anymore  I don’t even know if I want to do anything anymore  Everything I plan falls ...
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