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2019

2019 We’ve reached the end of the year The end of a decade This year has had many ups and downs  Some with unimaginable outcomes  For starters, it was the first full year without my mom My first full year without a mother’s guidance  My first full year without a mother’s love My first full year completely on my own But in this I’ve filled the void by letting in new friends  And allowing older ones to move in deeper  The biggest low of this year though was seeing what it’s like when a person is truly two-faced I’ve seen that no matter how long you may have known a person They can always be someone completely different on the inside  But I’ve learned from my mistakes and have left them in the past  Where they belong  They will stay in this year  But with the loss of one,  I have gained three  Three amazing friends that I will hold in my heart for as long as they will allow me I’ve witnessed t...
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My Mask

My mask I’ve worn it so long I’ve forgotten what it looked like  I’ve forgotten what I look like  I've forgotten who the hell I am  Who I was  Who I want to be  Everyone in my life has seen my mask I’ve learned to wear it well  Few have seen beyond it  And only those few know my secrets  My deepest secrets But even they haven't seen it all  There’s a mask in every part of my life  At home In school With family  Everywhere I have a mask  I wear a mask  Most people don’t even realize it's there  They don't realize that the me they see  Is not the me inside  They don't know the dreams I feel I’m losing  They don't know the darkness that lives in my mind  They don't know the life I've lost They don't know anything  And I feel that no one does  No one knows how deep my secrets go  The dark places my mind can wander if I don't co...
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I'm Fine

I’m fine  It’s become such a part of my daily speech I’ve forgotten what it’s like to be it  To be fine  To not lie to the face of everyone I encounter  To not worry about the flood of tears hidden behind my eyes Doomed to erupt at any moment without control or consent I want to be fine  I want to not feel like every second of everyday I scramble through life in a fog  A dense, ever thickening fog Draining the air from my lungs Stumbling in the darkness never to find the light  Every step I take sets me back ten more There’s no use in turning around and cheating I’m so far from the start that it’s become useless to even try   I want to feel happy and excited about my life  Not dreading every day to come  I want to stop feeling like swimming up for air  Is doing nothing but dragging me down further I want to go back to when my life was good Before I lied everyday about how I was feel...
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